The Holidays, the In-Between, and how to pass through unscathed.
“Normal is someone you don’t know very well.”
There is little, if anything, normal about the holidays this year.
Many of us are away from family, friends, and traditions for the first time. Even though we may be geographically near the people and comforts that usually define our holidays, restrictions due to COVID-19 can make us feel farther away than ever. This may cause stress (or amplify it) for some, while others may experience an alleviation of stress brought on by the holiday season.
If you find yourself struggling with negative thoughts or how to cope with the feeling of separation from your loved ones, there are things you can do to create a meaningful connection no matter how far apart you are. You might find a bit of comfort knowing that you are not alone- that there is someone out there missing you as much as you miss them.
Something caught our attention recently- psychologist and author Andrea Bonior told NPR that "people are actually less likely to reach out for help during the pandemic, despite them being more stressed and feeling worse than ever," Bonior says. "And I think part of that is that people are comparing themselves to others."
There may be many others struggling now, but don't let that keep you from asking for support if you're having a hard time or managing mental health issues.
What you can do:
Stay connected virtually.
We are wired for connection, and we need it, especially during this time of year. Make a phone call, write a letter, send a text message to someone you have been missing. Try FaceTiming someone you would otherwise call. Try calling someone that you would typically text.Take a few minutes to think about someone you hold dear.
It's okay to feel sad, heartsick, or even overwhelmed. It's also fair to feel relieved that you get to spend a quiet holiday away from your extended family. Whatever you are feeling is valid.
The "in-betweenness" is an invitation.
The space in between is open for you to fill it with intention, honesty, and understanding. It is unknown and requires work to become defined, but it can lead to invaluable growth and a deeper understanding of the most important aspects of your life.
Between December and January is the Bardo - the end of one year and the beginning of another. Let the "in-betweenness" settle in during the long winter nights as we move into a new season. Look inward to understand what 2020 has shown you about yourself and your close relationships. Reflect on what you hope the new year brings and the active role you will take to turn hope into reality. There is power in the now - the space between an end and a new beginning.
Practical Tips
Breathe.
Take three deep breaths, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth. Breathe into the spaces in your body where you hold any tension or anxieties. Do this several times a day- set reminders on your phone!Let Go.
Let go of unattainable ideals of perfection and stop editing yourself before giving yourself a chance. Brené Brown says: "The magic is in the mess." Forget perfection, aim for what is real.Set healthy boundaries.
Personal boundaries are the key to healthy relationships- and setting them boosts your self-esteem as well. By staying attuned to your feelings, you can first identify your boundaries and recognize when they are crossed.Gratitude for what matters most.
If your family is exchanging gifts, don't get wrapped up in dollar amounts and getting the "perfect" gift. Those who love you just want you to be present. The best gift for anyone in your life is that you take care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually.Circle of Truth.
It is essential to have a group outside of your family that you can be completely open and honest with. Imagine this as your "chosen family," which can be friends, a therapist, a caseworker, et cetera. The holidays can intensify family dynamics, and having a network outside of the family provides an outlet for safety of expression.
Listen to the podcast
Want more? Listen as Holly and Kacy go in-depth into how the holidays are different this year and ways that we can process the feelings and thoughts that may increase stress and anxieties.
Coming soon to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher