Why the pain?
When you think of addiction or hear the term mentioned, a myriad of questions tend to follow:
Why is this individual addicted? What are they addicted to? How did this happen, and Where is the family?
The stigma of addiction and addiction treatment frequently overlooks the intense pain that addiction cloaks. Dr. Gabor Mate eloquently suggests, "The question is not 'why the addiction, it is why the pain'?" With this in mind, we shape and conceptualize our approach to working with individuals and families where addiction is present in the system.
To hear more from Gabor Mate, we suggest watching
Hidden behind thick walls of shame, guilt, and denial hides a pain so deep that individuals will go to any length to avoid experiencing it. There is no magic approach to working with individuals to identify this pain and address the addiction. Researcher and social worker Dr. Brene Brown shows us that shame survives in silence, secrecy, and judgment.
“Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough. ”
Our approach to working with individuals and their families is to walk alongside the family system with compassion, understanding, vulnerability, and transparency. We understand that those struggling with addiction are not flawed or defective individuals– instead, they are experiencing pain so deep that the thought of facing it is unbearable. We invite the family system into the healing process.
As therapists, we have seen clinical approaches laden with guilt, force, and judgment that can harm individuals. We understand that the individuals and family systems facing this battle have innate strengths and tremendous resiliency. Our work helps the family system bring their core strengths into the present day to navigate and overcome challenges. Additionally, we will educate the family on the addictive process, the healing process, and both the brain and body react to change.
The healing journey is a process that is ever-changing and adapting. We understand that a cookie-cutter approach will not work for all. When we begin working with a family, we want to think outside of the box, outside of what tradition has taught us to identify creative and constructive ways to approach the challenges facing the family system. Not to say that we throw conventional wisdom and modalities out the window; instead, we embrace what they have taught us and adapt them to the present day.
Brown has several TedTalks on the subjects of shame and vulnerability. Here is one of our favorites: