Our Memo to Parents
Earlier this year, Holly and I were excited to read Glennon Doyle’s new book, Untamed. We both appreciate her honest and funny approach to navigating some of life’s more difficult moments and found ourselves racing through the book at a fast pace. It’s a worthwhile read, and if you are looking for a new book for your nightstand, it’s worth checking out.
“Being fully human is not about feeling happy, it’s about feeling everything.”
One part that struck us deeply was a section where she talks with remarkable candor about the memo that all new parents receive when they become parents. You know – the instruction manual they hand you, soon after they place your sweet smelling newborn in your arms, and you feel the overwhelming rush of love for this tiny being- coupled with the surge of fear that you are now totally responsible for this helpless human. Doyle explains that this memo has changed over the years. It makes sense – parents and parenting have changed over the years. Thank goodness these memos have evolved with time. Thank goodness we have learned that babies need more than their plant friends when it comes to nurturing and development. Thank goodness we have figured out, or at least started to figure out, that things beyond our control will happen to our children despite our best efforts, our huge hearts, our loving homes, and our countless attempts at “good enough” parenting. There’s the catch. Things are beyond our control as parents. We often learn this the hard way– if you have ever had your dining room wall turned into an art exhibit by a rogue toddler with a Sharpie. If you have ever attempted to get a three-year-old to eat broccoli. Or, the moment you realize that your child is suffering profoundly and you cannot fix it. Difficult things happen to our children and to us parents. We search desperately for the memo that tells us how to make it better – how to make the pain go away, how to find control again.
This is part of the reason Holly and I came together to start Bardo Consulting. We are parents and professionals. We think it’s time to help families write a new memo for how to walk through those out of control spaces.
Our memo looks a little something like this:
Dear Parents,
Keep showing up.
Even when it is painful.
Especially when it is painful.
It’s okay not to be okay.
Boundaries and limits are not bad things. Just the opposite. They can lead to good things like deeper, healthier relationships with each other.
Parenting is hard work. Yep, work. You do not have to do this alone.
You’ve got this.